August

RAugust

Before Elly was born, my older girls again went to visit family. Because I was so very pregnant, I could not take care of them and myself anymore. I knew they were in good hands, but I couldn’t shake the thought that I should be able to take care of them. And, oh, I wanted to desperately to be with them again.

I thought I’d go into labor a little early. Maybe. Or even by my due date. I missed my girls, and I really hated feeling like they were burdening anyone.

As much as I hoped that I wouldn’t go too far past my due date this time around, I did. As much as I dreaded not seeing Lily on her second birthday, I wasn’t there. Instead, I was induced the day after her birthday.

Thankfully, I did see my girls soon after Elly was born, but it was for only a short time. When we finally were home again, I desperately needed time to recoup, rest, and recover. I am still grateful to my mother-in-law for staying with us for the first week because it gave me time to rest around my girls.

After that, they were able to go to a friend’s house during the day while Drew was at work.

Did I mention that our church family was providing meals for us during this time?

Everything I thought I should be able to do was taken care of. Everything that I wanted to do was handled by others.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so humbled or grateful.

I had spent so much of pregnancy trying to do everything that I ended up being able to do nothing. And I had wasted so much energy feeling sorry for myself that I couldn’t lift my head to see that others wanted to help out.

I’d love to say that I learned so much during that time. That I can now ask for help and just be thankful that it’s there. Instead, I’ve found myself struggling to do everything for everyone all over again. It’s not easy for me to ask for help. It’s not easy for me to admit that I’m helpless. I want to help everyone else, but sometimes? Sometimes I need just as much (if not more) help.

Ouch.

This post is part of a 31 Days series on Raising My Ebenezer, part of my story and my own testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness. As the song Come Thou Fount says, “Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thine help I’m come.” For the month of October, I’ll be writing our story, outlining the Ebenezers in recognition of His mighty hand on our lives. His doings and His workings because of and sometimes in spite of our best efforts. My hope is that you’ll see a lot of Him and little to none of me. Because in the end, it is by His help that we have come this far.

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