July started off with some much-needed quiet. My girls spent some time with my parents and sisters, and I spent some time alone. I had time to think, time to work through some of the questions and the frustrations that I had been feeling, and time to just breathe.

Pregnancy drives every question and every frustration to the forefront of my mind. My life becomes an emotional roller coaster, and I become a bomb that I’m constantly trying to diffuse. As it stands, I’m an introvert by nature and need time to process life. When I’m constantly running around and doing, it leaves little time to work through the events of life, and I quickly become harried, hurried, and just shy of hectic.

Taking the time to allow those thoughts, the scary ones and the frustrating ones, to be worked out and pondered gave me the ability to keep going. Just a little longer.

One of the ways that I process is by knitting and crocheting, and during the month of July I completed my big pre-baby project: a blanket for our sweet girl.

And ever since? I’ve been planning and plotting even more yarn projects. Working through those frustrations gave me enough space to remember my love of working with yarn. A place that I’ve missed and didn’t realize how much. A place that I have come back to with fresh eyes and renewed vigor.

I have a talent here. I can imagine and breathe here, in this yarn-filled space. And I’m slowly realizing that this isn’t just self-preservation. It’s a gift, one that I can use just as well as writing or speaking or organizing. Not because of I but because of He.

Yes, He gave some apostles, some teachers, some prophets…and some He made tentmakers and dyers of purple cloth so that they could be more effective in their ministry…or help others with theirs.

And that, friends, is grace.

This post is part of a 31 Days series on Raising My Ebenezer, part of my story and my own testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness. As the song Come Thou Fount says, “Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thine help I’m come.” For the month of October, I’ll be writing our story, outlining the Ebenezers in recognition of His mighty hand on our lives. His doings and His workings because of and sometimes in spite of our best efforts. My hope is that you’ll see a lot of Him and little to none of me. Because in the end, it is by His help that we have come this far.


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