May

RMay

The first of May has been a hard time for me. Every year, I’m reminded of the pain and struggles that came after my miscarriages. It’s especially hard to be reminded of this on Mother’s Day. Five years later, it’s still hard for me to celebrate being a mother.

This year, with the tug to work on #nofearMay, I found that focusing on God’s goodness made the weekend of the first and Mother’s Day weekend bearable. It’s not that I was better equipped to handle the hurt. Instead, the hurt dissipated as I focused on the character of God through the Psalms.

Every day, I found a verse to share on Instagram. More than looking for the verses that sounded good, I looked for the tugging of my heart and the Spirit’s confirmation. Sometimes the verse’s application to my situation was obvious. Other times, it wasn’t. I just knew that I had to share it, so I did.

Many times, I also wrote out the verse on the mirrors of the chifforobe that stands in our kitchen. Some of the verses became memory work while others simply encouraged me throughout my day.

What I found most interesting about this exercise, though, was that while I had known that I needed the Word daily to fuel my soul, I realized just how much I needed to take the time to process the Word too. I needed time to repeat it, to sing it, to write it, to draw it, and to pray it. I need the Word to come alive to me in as many ways as possible if I am going to live it out.

And that’s what I practiced. As my belly grew, as my daughters spent time with family, as I realized again how desperately I need to write just as much as I need to eat, I practiced internalizing the Word of God.

I am still practicing. I am still learning the many ways I process Scripture. But, y’all, it. is. so. good.

This post is part of a 31 Days series on Raising My Ebenezer, part of my story and my own testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness. As the song Come Thou Fount says, “Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thine help I’m come.” For the month of October, I’ll be writing our story, outlining the Ebenezers in recognition of His mighty hand on our lives. His doings and His workings because of and sometimes in spite of our best efforts. My hope is that you’ll see a lot of Him and little to none of me. Because in the end, it is by His help that we have come this far.

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