That fourth pregnancy was hard on me. Physically, I felt great, which was awesome because I had to take care of a one year old. But emotionally, I was exhausted. Between Drew being over an hour away all day, being kept up at night by my toddler, and the strain of a stretched budget, I was worn out. Add the normal pregnancy hormones, and it was a recipe for disaster.
Things quickly turned bad, and we found a counselor to help me process the many reasons why I was so mad all of the time. A lot of it came back to my parents’ failing marriage and the lack of trust with my mom. I wanted so badly to fix things, but I couldn’t from where we lived. I couldn’t help her, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.
As I processed these feelings, the anger ebbed a bit. I still worried, I still fought anxiety, and I still had a lot to work through, but now I was able to without feeling guilty.
That summer, I began an online Bible study group. I asked several women to be part of it, and two joined. We three women read our separate studies and discussed them and prayed for each other and tried to keep each other accountable.
There were several problems with this idea, issues that we tried to overcome. For one, we were doing separate studies. It was hard to appreciate what someone wrote on the epistles while I read Psalms. Another issue was that we were so few that if one of us missed a day, the whole idea felt flawed. Yet there was so much good that happened out of that group. We prayed for each other. We watched each other grow. What one person read that day would encourage and spur on the others to good works. It was a blessing!
As the summer wound down, I was stretching and growing across my middle, too. Our second daughter was on her way, whether we were ready or not.
This post is part of a 31 Days series on Raising My Ebenezer, part of my story and my own testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness. As the song Come Thou Fount says, “Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thine help I’m come.” For the month of October, I’ll be writing our story, outlining the Ebenezers in recognition of His mighty hand on our lives. His doings and His workings because of and sometimes in spite of our best efforts. My hope is that you’ll see a lot of Him and little to none of me. Because in the end, it is by His help that we have come this far.