After waiting for months, hoping that my desperate desire for children wasn’t over yet, my prayers had been answered! My entire body tingled with excitement and anxiety as I woke Drew up to whisper the good news to him. We smiled and decided to get up and tell his parents. Before we finished packing and cleaning, we had told everyone our good news. I had learned after the last miscarriage that I did better when everyone knew ahead of time and that, for me, keeping a pregnancy a secret only increases my despair if I lose the baby.
I held my breath through the first ultrasound, waiting for the awful news. Instead, we heard the whoosh, whoosh fill the room, and I felt tears fill my eyes.
That didn’t stop the fears, but it did keep them at bay. Every month, the same scenario played out. I’d be okay for the first two weeks after my checkup and then dread the next appointment. I tried to take joy in the next day, the next week, the very fact that I was pregnant at that moment, but at times the fears overwhelmed. I wasn’t sick, just tired, and it was easy to believe the lies that I couldn’t carry a child to term.
Soon enough, though, those fears were silenced by kicks. Strong kicks. Beautiful, life-altering kicks.
We were still settling into our new home when Drew’s dad made the announcement that he was selling off his radio stations and moving again. After much prayer, we decided to look for a job close to where Drew’s parents planned to move. It happened to be the same area where Drew’s brother and sister-in-law had made their home a few years back, an area that we knew well because it was the closest city to our college. With the promise of a job, we moved again in October of that year, hoping that we would stay for a while this time.
This post is part of a 31 Days series on Raising My Ebenezer, part of my story and my own testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness. As the song Come Thou Fount says, “Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thine help I’m come.” For the month of October, I’ll be writing our story, outlining the Ebenezers in recognition of His mighty hand on our lives. His doings and His workings because of and sometimes in spite of our best efforts. My hope is that you’ll see a lot of Him and little to none of me. Because in the end, it is by His help that we have come this far.