Stones of Remembrance

Here we go. Another blog, another first blog post. I’m not counting on followers or comments to get me through this one. In fact, I’m purposely letting go of a lot of expectations and goals this time around. And let me tell you why.

1. It’s not about me.

I have spent hours upon hours writing posts, editing posts, and hoping that someone reads them. I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of checking emails hundreds of times a day to see if someone commented. Tired of being sick to my stomach, hoping someone will love what I wrote and dreading that they will hate it. I’m not promising that all of this won’t be true. But you know what? I can dial it back some. Because at the end of the day, I want this blog to make much of God, not much of myself.

2. I’m a mom. Who stays at home.

When my life was built around my blog, I stopped spending time with my girls. I made excuses about why we couldn’t go play, why I wasn’t keeping up the house, and what my purpose in life was. Here’s a clue: it’s not about this blog. Not a bit. This is an extension of me, yes, but not my world. And if it ever gets to be that way, you can bet that I’m going to shut it down in a heartbeat. I’ve been there, and I don’t want to go back.

3. This blog is a ministry, not my job.

Yes, I want to use my platform well, but I don’t want to use it to the point that my real job, being a wife and mother, is neglected. Yes, I need an outlet. What I don’t need is another excuse to keep myself from doing the real work.

4. This blog is God’s, not mine.

Again, if it were up to me, I’d have scheduled posts and planned events. I’d use my social network to make friends and keep interest through giveaways. I’ve done that, and it’s true what Ann Voskamp said at Allume this year: it’s never enough. The giveaways need to be bigger, the numbers have to grow, and all I’ve been left with countless times is wanting more. Giving this blog to God at the beginning this time means that my focus is not on numbers but on Him. It’s not about pageviews, likes, shares, or comments. In fact, I purposely am not receiving emails for every comment. I can’t worry about that. When I do, my focus shifts to me, and that’s what I’m trying to avoid at all costs. But. Because this blog is God’s, I don’t want to stunt its growth either. Just be warned that if you do stick around, I doubt that you’ll like everything you read.

5. I refuse to let numbers dictate my worth.

Where is my worth found? In Christ alone. In the fact that the very hairs of my head are numbered, that I am worth far more than sparrows, that God knows my thoughts before they are formed. I am known by the infinite God. My days were ordained before there was one of them. Those are the numbers that matter. Not how many people read my blog or how often they visit.

I’m going to publish this post in a few minutes. But let me be clear: this is not a list of reasons why numbers are bad. No, they can be good. It’s not a list of why blogging can take up too much time. No, time is needed to keep a blog running. This is just a list of remembrance. I want to remember why I started this blog in the first place. I need the reminders to keep my head level and my spirit willing because the flesh is weak. I need to set the stones up now so that I can see them and remember.

And maybe, just maybe, you need to set up stones too? To remember why you won’t fall into old traps or to remember where God has brought you?

Oh, these stones…may they be a remembrance for us and our children…