Soon and Very Soon

“I will be with the One I love
With unveiled face I’ll see Him
There my soul will be satisfied
Soon and very soon”

“My soul will be satisfied.” I’m not going to lie: my soul is very unsatisfied right now. It has been for a while now, but I really began to notice it after I lost my babies. And I thought that the soul would be satisfied with being pregnant…with having a baby…and now I want to be pregnant again because it is the best feeling in this world in my opinion (of course, I didn’t have morning sickness…). But, no. None of these will satisfy me permanently.

Being a mother satisfies my desire…to be a mother. Being a wife satisfies my desire…to be a wife. But neither satisfies my soul. Having graduated college satisfies the desire to be out of school…yet I miss it and wish I were still there. I love being married and having children…but I miss my family. I miss the special times we had growing up before I married Drew. And though I have a beautiful baby girl, I just want to be pregnant again because it is the most awesome feeling when you are being used by God as He is creating. (Yes, I am a weird one.) And I may eat and satisfy my desire for food, but I will be hungry again. I may write, but my desire to be heard and to say what is fully on my heart will always be lacking. I may have children, but I will always miss the ones I have yet to meet.

Isn’t that the rhythm, the song of Creation? Desires that are never fully satisfied?

“Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well.” My heart does know Him well. It knows that the soul was made for much more, that these desires should be met. That one day, my greatest desire will be met, and I will be with the Lord in Heaven. My sin will be erased, my shame forgotten, my hopes and dreams finally fulfilled to the fullest. And my heart knows Him well. My heart knows that He is the only One who can fulfill every need, every desire, every hope, every wish. And one day, one glorious day, I will be with Him, face to face, in all of His beautiful glory.

Soon and very soon.

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